Over the Hills and Far Away

Our shadows taller than our souls...

2009-11-20T03:22:00.000-08:00

Another installment of my pointless blog, that no one will ever read. Do you ever have the feeling that mothers just don't get you? I suppose I'm starting to sound like one of the millions of spoilt teenagers, but that's not exactly what I mean. They seem to take offence to everything you say...and they don't bother clarifying, they just take everything to mean what they feel it should mean. And Heaven forbid you ever try to get a word in to defend yourself while you're being talked at (let's not kid ourselves, there is no two-way discussion with a mother), because then you're being defensive, and that's just not on, oh no. You've got to just stand there and talk it all. With a very sorrowful expression on your face, as well. If you even hint at the fact that you're feeling the slightest bit of an emotion other than regret, God help us all.

Then sometimes you get the "I'm sensing a change in your attitude" talk. What the hell? Why don't you MENTION something about it beforehand, in one of the several weeks leading up to this discussion, because apparently "...it's something I've noticed for a while now..." How the FUCK am I meant to know that? I'm not doing this on purpose, you know. I'm not a bastard to you, I never have been, so what makes you think, for one minute, that all of a sudden I've decided that I will be? TELL ME THIS SHIT BEFORE YOU FLY OFF THE HANDLE AND TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I HAD NO IDEA I WAS EVEN DOING!

Christ, I really do sound like a whiney bitch, don't I? That's something else that annoys me: why am I still treated like a child? Every store I go into, every person I meet, treats me like I still walk down the street holding my mother's hand. I'm 18 for Christ's sake, treat me like an adult! I spent 8 months at ADFA being treated like shit, I come back into civillian life only to feel as though everyone that sees me immediately labels me as a mama's boy.

Stairway to Heaven is doing a pretty good job of calming me down. I think I'll leave it at that.

A prophet on the burning shore...

2009-09-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

Well I have finally figured out what it is I want to do with myself. Anthropology - the study of humankind, society and culture. Plenty of delicious history, english and archaeology to sink my claws into. And, on top of that ("What? It gets better?" you ask) there's plenty of opportunity for travel and fieldwork. So I am pretty stoked about that.

Once I have finished my degree at JCU I plan on living overseas on a working visa for a few months, perhaps a year or so, just doing whatever. I can't quite remember if I've told you all about my passion for travel writing...but I'll tell you again. Hopefully during this period that I'm overseas, some of the stuff I've written down will be picked up by Lonely Planet or a similar publication. That'd be brilliant.

Argh. It feels as though everytime I sit down to write something on this blog, it's just more of my hopes and dreams...nothing solid. I've not accomplished anything. It doesn't really help that I don't have the money or means to do many of the things I want to do right now I suppose. One day...one day.

This blog first started off as a one-time page for me to just pour out a lot of stuff that had been on my mind for several months. Then, I felt compelled, obliged even, to update it and tell you all (who am I kidding, no one reads this...) about what I'd done to change my life. This third time...well, I just felt a little bored, to tell the truth. I really need a proper direction for this whole blog, don't I? Hmm...I'll have to get back to you, I've drawn a blank. Perhaps some of my writings, when I am in a creative more, as opposed to the incoherent rambling mood that I'm in right now. And on that note, I think I ought to draw to a close. Night all.

Hunger for adventure

2009-09-06T07:08:00.001-07:00

Since my last post I've changed a lot of things in my life. Firstly, I'm no longer in the RAAF, and I am much happier for it. I'm back at home (unfortunately, but it's a stepping stone on the path to bigger and better things) and job seeking. I've discovered a keen interest for teaching, and am applying for a Bachelor of Secondary Education for next year, which I am looking forward to. But this has not dulled my enthusiasm for travel and adventure. If anything it has made me hungrier for the lifestyle I want so badly. Being stuck here in my old house has its benefits, such as I'm financially secure, I don't have to worry about rent or electricity or cooking etc, but also it means that I'm back to square one. Back to where I was 12 months ago.

I'm constantly reminded of the fact that the things I want to do and accomplish are no do-able at my age. Everyone seems to be telling me that I just cannot do these things. Now, there is truth in what they say: I have no job, no steady flow of income. My highest qualification is high school graduation and I'm 17 years old. So, really, I can't go gallivanting off to far-away, exotic locales at the drop of a hat. But, I don't need to stay in a five star resort in Paris overlooking the Champ Elysees. I really would prefer to live in a tent on the African plains, dodging wild animals and cooking on an open fire; watching tonnes of water cascade over the Victoria Falls in Zambia; strolling through one of the many medinas in Morocco; climbing a winding staircase carved into the living rock up to an ancient temple in Thailand. The mere thought of that brings a smile to my face.

My attitude to life can be summed up in this simple quote: "One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."

Man with no direction

2009-05-27T02:45:00.000-07:00

Just recently my life has undergone an extremely large shake up. I've left home, moved interstate, started university and joined the military. I have spent many an hour sitting wondering just what I've done, and how I managed to get where I am. More importantly, wondering if what I'm doing is really what I want to be doing.

I'm undertaking a Bachelor of Engineering (Aeronautical) at ADFA, which is something that I have wanted to do for so long. When I actually arrived here in January this year, I was rudely awoken to what I had actually signed up for. I realised that I had closed a chapter of my life, highschool and childhood, and had very quickly (quicker than most teenagers, at least) stepped right into another: university and military life. After spending the last 5 months here, while I have enjoyed myself, I have begun to think of what other options I could have chosen. I had, and still have, many dreams and aspirations, all of which I am quite capable of doing. But the life I have chosen is very different to all the other potentials. I could have been a journalist, a travel writer, psychologist, barrister...and yet I chose aerospace engineer. Don't get me wrong, joining the ADF was not a spur of the moment thing...this is something I have wanted for a long, long time. But the idea I entertained of the defence force was probably the romantic, 1940s style, dashing action man sort of image. I saw the final product of many, many years of hard work and study...the fact that I had just finished 12 years of schooling may have given me images of grandeur, I don't know. Maybe I was a little cocky.

I honestly think I've been too hasty. A gap year would have been fantastic, a chance to go on a proper adventure...that's another dream of mine. To go somewhere exotic, do something outrageous, and come back with stories to tell. Go motorcycling around Africa, trekking across Europe, camping in the Australian Outback...anything! I want to live my life, not be a 9 to 5 desk jockey. "Bah! 17 year old impetuousness!" I hear you cry. Well no, it's not. I have dreams, I have goals. And I want to accomplish something in my life. Life is short, don't waste it on pointless strivings such as amassing of wealth or fame. Make a difference, be the change in the world you want to see. Ok, maybe that's a little too philosophical and preachy for this time of night. Just don't waste your life. DO something, be able to tell stories of high adventure and excitement. The world nowadays seems way too conservative and safety concious. Adventure is about danger and the exhilaration that goes hand in hand with that. Wow...I never realised I was this passionate about this.

I guess what I'm doing here is just getting these thoughts and dreams off my chest, to share them with anyone who is willing to listen. And by all means, if you have any stories of adventure, of living life to the fullest, please share them with me, I'd love to hear it.

I seem to have gone off on a massive tangent. If I manage to keep this blog up, you'll have to get used to that...I do it a lot. The whole reason I started this blog was to air some of the thoughts weighing on my mind, as if writing them down would somehow make them seem less imposing to me. I just feel as though I'm lost in a big, wide world.

That was a little more sad and self-deprecating than I imagined it to be...I'll make the next one better, trust me.